we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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