you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
