I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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