We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
