thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
