New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
