i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I color on your dick again?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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