I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So many bounce houses so little time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
