Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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