my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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