Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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