we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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