I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
