This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
