And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
