Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
