I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
