can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
