just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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