GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
