Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old