YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol