Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
