i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
