How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
