walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
