you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
