so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
