I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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