I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
