I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
