my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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