First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
