Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
