a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
