then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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