I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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