youre lurking in front of me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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