Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
