the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
