Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
