My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
