FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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