dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
