my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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