I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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