Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
