I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
