There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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