Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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