We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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