It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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