Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
