You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize