I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
