My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
