Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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