whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
