bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
