if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
