i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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