all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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